Does Putting Children’s Feelings First Always Help Them?

Children’s feelings matter. But always going along with what they want isn’t necessarily helping them.

This is something I’ve learned during my childcare placement at preschool.

One day, a child said they didn’t want to do the craft activity the educator had prepared.

When I’m babysitting, I’d usually say,

“Do you want to do something else?” or

“How about this instead?”

Offering another activity was my usual response.

But the educator said,

“Even if you didn’t want to do it, you still needed to take part when asked.”

That was new to me, I would have offered something else.

But the children in that class are 5. Next year, they’re going to school.

At school, they won’t always get to do what they want. There will be rules to follow, times when they need to wait, and things they don’t really feel like doing.

Maybe the preschool is the time to practise those things before going to school.

The child did end up joining in with the craft activity.

Playing with their favourite blocks is important. But there’s also value in trying something they wouldn’t usually choose for themselves.

Another thing I often see is children running through the classroom on their way to the toilet.

Each time, the teachers ask them to go back to where they started running and walk instead. As many times as it takes.

If the rule is to walk inside, letting it go sometimes and stopping them other times could be confusing for children. Other children might also wonder,

“Why are teachers not saying anything”

It takes time to build a habit. And it takes patience to keep reminding them.

They won’t get it every time straight away. So the educators keep giving the same reminder.

When I’m babysitting, I often let what the children want to do.

But being in a group is different.

Respecting children’s feelings and letting them have their own way all the time aren’t the same thing. We can acknowledge how they feel and still be clear about the limits.

That’s a way of caring for them, too.

My placement has given me a chance to look again at things I used to do without really thinking about them🫶